I got a job.

I have joined Creative Loafing full-time. My new title is Senior Writer. It's going to lots of fun and challenging. Among the new tasks that I've been, um, tasked with: lots of writing on CL's web sites. As a result, this page will be updated much less often.

I'm also working on a book.

From the sixth paragraph of an AP story about new rules for Atlanta police.

Pennington said the department also will drug-test its nearly 18-hundred officers and require top supervisors to sign off on narcotics operations and no-knock warrants.

APD hasn't been drug-testing it's employees?

Let's see. They carry weapons and are allowed to shoot people. They're allowed to drive very fast. Many of them come into contact with illegal drugs on a weekly, if not daily basis. But until this policy change, they weren't drug-tested. For f*ck's sake, the cashiers at Lowe's are drug-tested!

Dog Performs 'Heimlich' on Choking Owner

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Filed at 5:02 p.m. ET

CALVERT, Md. (AP) -- Toby, a 2-year-old golden retriever, saw his owner choking on a piece of fruit and began jumping up and down on the woman's chest. The dog's owner believes the dog was trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver and saved her life.

Debbie Parkhurst, 45, of Calvert told the Cecil Whig she was eating an apple at her home Friday when a piece lodged in her throat. She attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver on herself but it didn't work. After she began beating on her chest, she said Toby noticed and got involved.

''The next think I know, Toby's up on his hind feet and he's got his front paws on my shoulders,'' she recalled. ''He pushed me to the ground, and once I was on my back, he began jumping up and down on my chest.''

That's when the apple dislodged and Toby started licking her face to keep her from passing out, she said.

''I literally have pawprint-shaped bruises on my chest. I'm still a little hoarse, but otherwise, I'm OK,'' Parkhurst said.

''The doctor said I probably wouldnt be here without Toby,'' said Parkhurst, a jewelry artist. ''I keep looking at him and saying 'Youre amazing.'''

Further proof most bullies are just insecure losers.

Eminem, who once made a record fantasizing about slitting his ex-wife's throat, took the same ex-wife loser to court to stop her publicly mocking his sexual inabilities.

Naturally, he's saying it's for the sake of their child.

Pathetic.

I saw this in the NYTimes yesterday.

Egypt to Vote on Expanding Powers of the Presidency
By MICHAEL SLACKMAN

Published: March 25, 2007

CAIRO, March 24 — Egyptian officials are hoping to add powers to the Constitution that would allow the president to more easily dissolve Parliament and give him free rein to suspend civil liberties and imprison anyone deemed a terrorist threat.

And it reminded me of this.

Bush Grants Self Permission To Grant More Power To Self

August 1, 2006 | Issue 42•31

WASHINGTON, DC—In a decisive 1–0 decision Monday, President Bush voted to grant the president the constitutional power to grant himself additional powers.

"As president, I strongly believe that my first duty as president is to support and serve the president," Bush said during a televised address from the East Room of the White House shortly after signing his executive order. "I promise the American people that I will not abuse this new power, unless it becomes necessary to grant myself the power to do so at a later time."

Egypt's dictatorship will rcceive $1.8 billion this year from the U.S.

NYPD spied on law-abiding American citizens before the Republican National Convention, held in NYC in 2004.

Watch carefully for the reaction of Republicans to this story. It's a litmus test. Remember, Republicans are the self-professed party of individual freedom and small government. Spying on American citizens solely because they wish to publicly express a political viewpoint isn't small government anything. It's totalitarianism. Police infiltratration of church groups and theatre troupes doesn't honor conservative values, unless you're East German.

Seriously.

Israel has a MySpace page.

Natalie Portman is in their Top 8. So is Tom.

It was the Federal government that caused New Orleans to flood after Hurricane Katrina. The Army Corps of Engineers built shoddy flood walls, killing 1,400 innocent Americans in Louisiana.

Corps caused disaster, report says
State inquiry finds decades of blunders

Wednesday, March 21, 2007
By Bob Marshall

Decades of incompetence and neglect by the Army Corps of Engineers allowed Hurricane Katrina's storm surge to devastate New Orleans, according to a long-awaited report being released today, the state's only official investigation into the causes of the disaster.

In a sweeping indictment of corps stewardship, the report alleges that agency supervisors ignored increases in the threat level for their project, knowingly built levees and floodwalls lower than congressionally mandated, failed to detect or ignored glaring errors during the review process, underestimated the impact of the Mississippi River-Gulf Outlet on the city's defenses, and failed to properly maintain the system.

Read more

Mike Scott, singer and songwriter of The Waterboys, noticed some factual errors on his Wikipedia entry. He created a login and tried to correct them.

Says Scott in the Guardian:

I was so intoxicated by being able to correct the misconceptions that I ploughed right ahead without reading any of the Wikipedia editing guidelines.

Then a box appeared telling me someone else was editing the material simultaneously. I checked my changes and found, to my dismay, they were being unedited as I sat there. Some goblin of the web, some fiend, was undoing my correcting of my own story.

Read more

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Georgians for Choice
............


Press Release
.....
Georgians for Choice Announces the 5th Annual Walk for Women's Lives and Public Launch of "It Could Be Me" EC Access at Kroger Campaign

Atlanta, GA March 12, 2007 Continuing the fight for healthy communities, the organization, Georgians for Choice (GfC) says this year's annual Walk calls for more awareness as well as action. The Walk for Women's Lives will be held on Sunday March 25, 2007, at the Georgia State Capitol from 2:00 PM – 4:30 PM. This year's theme is "EC Access and Reproductive Justice in Georgia."


"The Walk is the largest reproductive rights community event in Georgia", says Paris Hatcher, Co-Executive Director of GfC and Chair of the event. "This Walk is vital for healthy communities and the well-being of our bodies, our lives, and our future."


The Walk's organizer also charge that this theme was chosen due to a critical need to focus on improving women's right to contraception, in particular emergency contraception(EC).
This year highlights are a press conference, speakers, and performances by local artists such as Kelly Love Jones, Jessica Care Moore, and Sonia Leigh, and the public launch of GfC's "It Could Be Me" EC Access Campaign, focusing on Kroger pharmacies.

Mia Mingus, Co-Executive Director of Georgians for Choice and Chair of the Emergency Contraception Task Force (ECTF) added, " The ECTF has been working with a woman who was recently denied EC from Kroger in Georgia." On March 9, a Kroger representative publicly agreed to stand by their policy of dispensing EC on site or giving a customer a referral. "We are concerned by Kroger's inconsistent customer service due to the timely nature of emergency contraception and, want Kroger to adopt a policy of on-site seamless delivery at the numerous Kroger pharmacies in Georgia."


"We think it is important for Kroger to know Georgians care about EC access." We are asking Georgians to save their Kroger receipts and bring them to Walk or mail them to GfC. These receipts will reflect customer support of EC and the needed change of Kroger's policy."


About the Walk for Women's Lives

The Walk for Women's Lives is an annual statewide event to raise awareness, build community and rally for reproductive health, rights, and justice in Georgia.

Website: http://www.georgiansforchoice.org


About Georgians for Choice

The Walk is organized by Georgians for Choice, the statewide coalition for women's freedom. GfC is comprised of member organizations and represents diverse groups working towards a broader and more dynamic reproductive justice movement in the state.

Website: http://www.walkforwomengeorgia.org

From the Free Republic sewer:

"With all her past treatments, etc., shouldn't the cancer be working on her third breast by now?"

"Edwards has used his son's death, his wife's cancer,and the 'global warming crisis' to his political advantage. Despicable."

"No need to worry that E. will be "alone" while Breck Girl is out campaigning. I'm sure that gazillion-dollar mansion will be fitted with all kinds of servants, plus private nurses, nutritionists, fitness coaches; nannies for the kids, tutors, cooks, maids, and gardeners.

Elizabeth Edwards will go out in style."

The "family values" party indeed.

AP is reporting today that Elton John is making his music available for download later this month.

The tracks, more than 400 in all, will be available through Apple Inc.'s iTunes service from March 26 through April 30, and then will be made available on other download services.

Exciting!

Except not really.

Dame Peachtree's back catalog has been available on iTunes for as long as I can remember.
It seems that the AP writer re-printed the press release without checking.

Atlanta blogger Duane Moody is upset with another Atlanta blogger, ATLMalcontent.

ATLMalcontent's offense? He had the temerity, the unmitigated gaul, and the chutzpah to write a post on his own web site criticizing something that Moody wrote.

The funniest part -- Moody repeatedly and disingenuously insists that he's not mad because someone disagrees with him. He says he's mad because ATLMalcontent is "sneaky" and "ball-less" for not posting the criticism as a comment on Moody's blog. Apparently ATLMalcontent never got the rule book saying "Thou shalt not disagree with Duane Moody unless you do it on his terms."

Read ATLMalcontent's post. And Duane Moody's hilarious, unhinged response.

All I have to say about this mess is shame on you ATLMalcontent for using your blog to disagree with someone's publicly stated opinions! Blogs were never intended for that.

Consider yourself on blog probation. One more violation and you're re-disinvited to the next blogger happy hour! To remove yourself from probation, you are required to write one blog post this week about each of the following topics:

1. Amy Winehouse really has, like soul, you know.
2. They're SO 2006, but you still like to listen to Snow Patrol, especially on cloudy days.
3. You were, like, totally prepared to hate Heather Mills on Dancing With The Stars, but after watching her how hard she worked, you really admired her for overcoming her disability. Eat your heart out, Paul!

Today is the fourth of anniversary President Bush's invasion of Iraq.

“It has been described as her idea but ... I don’t want to try to vouch for origination,” Mr. Snow said, according to The Associated Press. “At this juncture, people have hazy memories.”

-The latest White House line on who knew what and when about the White House's plan to fire all U.S. attorneys and replaced them with Bush loyalists.

"What's worse? That the government knew or that the government didn't know."

-President Bush on Feb. 14 talking about whether Iran's government is responsible for Iranian-made weapons getting into Iraq.

How long before some Republican legislator or idiot talking-head uses Ed Wall's arrest as a reason to oppose mass transit? I give it 24 hours.

MARTA chairman arrested for public indecency
Was receiving oral sex from another man in airport restroom, police say

By RHONDA COOK
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 03/14/07

The chairman of the MARTA board was charged with public indecency after receiving oral sex from another man in a restroom at Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, according to an Atlanta police report.



Edmond J. Wall, 43, met a 25-year-old man from Indianapolis in a public restroom Tuesday evening and then moved to another airport restroom, the report says.

The second bathroom was closed so they went to an airport restaurant restroom, but left open the door to the handicapped stall and were seen by an undercover police officer.

As the other man, Michael R. Pettry, was being arrested, Wall continued to fondle himself, making no effort to conceal his actions, the report said.

Wall and Pettry were both charged with public indecency.

Apropos of nothing -- A YouTube clip of my old friend Adrian Holovaty playing the theme from MacGyler on his acoustic guitar.

I have a CD of him playing the theme of I Dream of Jeanie which is also delightful. I need to go find it now.

Apropos of nothing -- A YouTube clip of my old friend Adrian Holovaty playing the theme from MacGyler on his acoustic guitar.

I have a CD of him playing the theme of I Dream of Jeanie which is also delightful. I need to go find it now.

According to Salon.com, some people were supposedly offended by this amazing Samantha Bee parody from Monday's The Daily Show.

Who? Who could watch that and not realize that it's satire?

This is CNN's top story? Really?



This wasn't what I was hoping for when I subscribed to CNN's RSS feed.

I'm not opposed to celebrity fluff. I enjoy fluff. I do oppose the presentation of fluff as news. I oppose it for the same reason I'd oppose a restaurant serving me ice cream on top of my fish dinner.

Finally, a kitchen garbage bag big enough to throw away my old Weimaraners.

from the Dekalb County community newspaper Free Press:



Anne Frank!

Fun!

Salon.com's Gary Kamiya understands why Ann Coulter isn't going anywhere.

For this isn't really about Coulter at all. This is about a pact the American right made with the devil, a pact the devil is now coming to collect on. American conservatism sold its soul to the Coulters and Limbaughs of the world to gain power, and now that its ideology has been exposed as empty and its leadership incompetent and corrupt, free-floating hatred is the only thing it has to offer. The problem, for the GOP, is that this isn't a winning political strategy anymore -- but they're stuck with it. They're trapped. They need the bigoted and reactionary base they helped create, but the very fanaticism that made the True Believers such potent shock troops will prevent the Republicans from achieving Karl Rove's dream of long-term GOP domination.

Arctic Monkeys & Be Your Own Pet

05-19 Atlanta, GA - The Tabernacle

Tickets on sale Saturday.

Hats off to the men and women of Georgia's legislature for their tireless devotion to solving all of the state's non-problems.

The latest offensive in the state's War On NothingTM is Republican state Rep. David Ralston's House Bill 653.

HB653 will impose a minimum one-year sentence on anyone convicted of planting a fake bomb. Apparently, HB653 is a "response" to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaign that was mistaken for bombs by Boston law enforcement. Nevermind that what happened in Boston was actually a misunderstanding, not a hoax.

Planting fake bombs is a crime and should be punished severely. Unfortunately, the law is written in a way that could leave innocent people vulnerable to prosectution.

It shall be unlawful for any person to manufacture, possess, transport, distribute, or use a hoax device or replica of a destructive device or detonator with the intent to cause or which causes another to believe that such hoax device or replica is or contains a destructive device or detonator. (emphasis mine).

How bizarre -- a law that makes citizens criminally responsible for the beliefs of other citizens.

Here's a not-so-unthinkable hypothetical:

In my haste to make an appointment, I exit a MARTA train quickly, accidentally leaving my laptop bag behind.

A fellow passenger gets worried and calls the cops. "Hey, 911, a handsome-but-suspicious-looking Middle Eastern looking dude left his backpack on the train and ran-off! Help!"

The train is evacuated. The bomb squad is called. A simple, but extremely unfortunate misunderstanding turns into an expensive, traffic-snarling, headache-inducing major incident.

According to HB653, I've committed the crime of causing "another to believe" that I've planted bomb and must go to jail for a minimum of one-year.

Silver-lining: If this law passes, I'm going to start calling 911 every time I see Zell Miller on TV or in the newspaper. "Hello, 911. There's some crazy dude on the TV who looks like he's about to explode."

Eric Von Haessler's opinion columns in Atlanta's alternative-alternative weekly, The Sunday Paper, are appalling.

I don't mind that he disagrees with me. I mind that he disagrees with himself and expects that his readers are too stupid to notice.

"It’s possible, but not certain, that things are heating up a bit, but there is no evidence that we’re causing it or that we are facing certain doom if it is true.

That’s right, no evidence."

That's from Eric's February 11 column mocking the idea that Al Gore should be lauded for drawing attention to global warming. Global warming is a myth, Eric says, therefore praising Gore is like praising Chicken Little for predicting that the sky is falling.

In today's edition of The Sunday Paper, Eric criticizes Al Gore again. This time, believe it or not, it's because Gore isn't dedicated enough to solving global warming.

Writes Eric:

"Never mind our homes that use more energy in a month than the average household uses in a year, say the Gores. Pay no attention to the exhaust emitted from the private jet craft we charter to hop from one global warming summit to another. Don’t worry your pretty little heads over the seeming hypocrisy between our words and our actions because we’ve purchased carbon offsets, and that makes everything hunky-dory.

Isn’t that convenient? The rich get to buy their way out of this while everyone else is forced to actually change their way of life in order to solve the problem. (emphasis mine)

Down the page a bit, he repeats the trick.

It turns out that planting a tree in one place doesn’t have the same effect if it’s planted somewhere else. In fact, some new planting can have the perverse consequence of temporarily worsening the problem by releasing carbon that was formerly trapped within the undisturbed soil before it was pierced by shovel and good intentions. (emphasis mine)

In short, Eric Von Haessler's position on global warming is that it doesn't exist, but that Al Gore and his friends aren't doing enough to stop it. It makes no sense.

And then, of course, there's the fact that there is indeed plenty of evidence that global warming is happening and that man is causing it. But that's not important now. First things first. Befor we get Eric to agree with climate scientists, we need to get him to agree with himself.

Inquisitive monarch Ferdinand II of Aragaon is 555 and dead. Murderer James Earl Ray is 79 and also dead. Gene Simmons' enabler Shannon Tweed is 50 today. Champion spelunker Osama Bin Laden is also 50 today.

One of my favorite Southern-isms is the the sly put-down disguised as praise.

Headline from today's AJC: "Centerfold's house in Sugarloaf has rich fabrics, restrained feel"

It's an extraordinarily polite way of saying "Alleged Hooker/Stripper's Gwinnett McMansion Looks Exactly Like You'd Expect It To"

"Cue up your Daryl Worley CDs. Stock up on patriotic car magnets. Get ready to start referring to your Persian cat as a freedom feline. The United States is planning to go to war with Iran."

Read the rest

1. I got a job offer yesterday. After eating Chinese for dinner, my fortune said "Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news."

2. Shortly after reading this morning Newt Gingrich's acknowledgement that he is a cheat, I got a call from phone number (770 area code) that I did not recognize. On the line was a baby saying Da Da. After 30 seconds, the baby hung up on me.

By the way, Newt's admission of something everyone already knew to Christian Right Kingmaker James Dobson means he's seriously considering running for President.

I'd love to see an Edwards-Obama ticket in 2008. The Republican Party's only response to them has been to call Edwards a nasty name and to remind bigots that Obama's middle name is Hussein. If that's the extent of the Republican response to these two, I say team 'em up and bring 'em on.

My work was ignored yet again, but the great Cynthia Tucker of the AJC was nominated.

True story -- her Wikipedia entry used to say Atlanta Urinal-Constipation until I fixed it.

Congratulations, Anne!

Despite the ill-fortune of spending her first year in PR in a cubicle next to me, Anne has managed to prosper.



Andy2000.org is pleased and excited.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Man speaks out after Valley sex stabbing, blood drinking

By Christopher Sign
ABC15.com
Updated: 2/27/07 11:15pm

The man who was tied up, stabbed several times during sex, and watched as the woman he was with drank his blood is speaking only to ABC15.

Robert McDaniel, 43, spoke exclusively to us hours after having more than 150 stitches removed from across his body. McDaniel says he met 24-year-old Tiffany Sutton about a month ago and the two got together on Valentine's Day. While undressing, she asked if he was interested in "kinky" sex and being tied up.

McDaniel says he agreed and moments later, Sutton pulled out three knives with skulls on them and began slashing him. She also had a stethoscope and a Bible with her.

Read the rest

The news story above leaves out several interesting details from the police report.

The two were in a shed behind an abandoned house, and the victim says that he and the stabber had smoked meth before the incident. I suspect that the news station left out those details so they could sell the story as some sort of Fatal Attraction/romantic date gone horribly wrong.

One thing is certain -- we could all stand to be a little more careful when we smoke meth with homeless people and follow them into abandoned houses for sex.

Today is the 50th anniversary of the independence of Ghana.



I invite you all to celebrate by playing this song very loudly at least once today. It's called "Birth of Ghana" and was recorded by the Trinidadian calypso singer Lord Kitchener.

Some of you might also enjoy this hour-long BBC radio documentary about Ghana. Part 1 and Part 2. It's not perfect, but it's the only hour-long documentary about Ghana's 50th birthday I know of.

"An elite team of officers that advises US commander Gen. David Petraeus has concluded that the US has six months to turn around the situation in Iraq, or else face a Vietnam-style collapse that could force the military into a "hasty retreat."

-from a March 1, 2007 report in the Christian Science Monitor.

"I don't want to put an exact time on it, but a minimum of six to nine months."

-Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno, commander of Multinational Corps Iraq, on how long it will take before we can tell if the new security plan, a.k.a. the surge, is successful.

In other words, the U.S. has a maximum of six months to accomplish something that will take a minimum of six to nine months.

From today's AJC:

When highway engineers design traffic control devices, a major thing to consider is a concept called driver expectancy," Hanscom said. "When we design signs, we have to know how drivers behave.

"A major problem is that this [the Northside Drive HOV ramp] was a left-hand exit," said Hanscom, who noted he has not studied this particular ramp. "Most off-ramps in the United States are right-hand exits. Left-hand exits violate driver expectancy."

That doesn't mean they should not be used, he said, it means traffic engineers have to prepare drivers for the upcoming left-hand exit. If a sign is only at the exit itself, Hanscom said, "that's too late."

"There are a lot of principles of highway signing that may be violated here [approaching the Northside Drive ramp]," Hanscom said.

The AJC's coverage of the Friday's bus accident also includes a video from the driver's perspective, although unlike in the video, it was dark when the accident occurred.

Mobile phone service providers disable your mobile phone's call timers so that you can't compare your phone bill with your actual phone usage.

Read more.

And listen here.

Media interest in the whitey wobbers will fade rapidly because it turns out they're not very attractive after all.

Hundreds are dying everyday in mass murders at Iraqi schools and hospitals, yet there's hardly a peep, he says, from Bush, Cheney, and so-called Arab and Muslim leaders.

So says Thomas Friedman in his NYTimes column today.

But all is not lost. According to Friedman, the Arab Jeff Foxworthy is boldly speaking the truth.

Occasionally an honest voice rises, giving you a glimmer of hope that others will stand up. The MEMRI translation Web site (memri.org) just posted a poem called “When,” from a Saudi author, Wajeha al-Huwaider, that was posted on Arab reform sites like www.aafaq.org.

When you cannot find a single garden in your city, but there is a mosque on every corner — you know that you are in an Arab country.

When you see people living in the past with all the trappings of modernity — do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country.

When religion has control over science — you can be sure that you are in an Arab country.

When clerics are referred to as “scholars” — don’t be astonished, you are in an Arab country.

When you see the ruler transformed into a demigod who never dies or relinquishes his power, and nobody is permitted to criticize — do not be too upset, you are in an Arab country.

When you find that the large majority of people oppose freedom and find joy in slavery — do not be too distressed, you are in an Arab country.

When you hear the clerics saying that democracy is heresy, but seizing every opportunity provided by democracy to grab high positions — do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country. ...

When you discover that a woman is worth half of what a man is worth, or less — do not be surprised, you are in an Arab country. ...

When land is more important than human beings — you are in an Arab country. ...

When fear constantly lives in the eyes of the people — you can be certain you are in an Arab country.”

Incidentally, I agree that with Friedman's main point, that the silence of Arab and Muslim leaders in response to mass killings is morally inexcusable. I just don't think this idiotic poem is an antidote.

Now that the whitey wobbers have been arrested, how long before the AJC offers a bogus trend story about suburban white girl crime being a big problem?

"What all this means is not that Basra is how we want it to be,"

So said Tony Blair.

Not how we want it to be = mission not accomplished

"Forced to choose between Iraq and Afghanistan, the British are opting for the Hindu Kush rather than Mesopotamia."

Forced to choose = too militarily weak to do both

The Iraq war is a disaster for the UK as well.

Read the story

Which of these is a more important news story?

A) Unhealthy amounts of smoke and soot covered much of Metro Atlanta for several hours yesterday due to a forest fire.

B) Two vaguely attractive white girls were caught on camera robbing somebody.

Answer: Obviously, A. In addition to unnerving people, the smoke made breathing more difficult for people with respiratory ailments. And at least one aircraft (11 Alive's traffic helicopter) was forced to land due to poor visibility.

Now.

Which story, A or B, was the lead story in today's AJC?

Answer: Obviously, B. Why? Because the news media is unheathily focused on the activities and/or plight of vaguely attractive, white women.

I'm sick of phony dialogue about liberal or conservative bias in the news media. The media's strongest bias, and the bias that's most damaging to the public, is the bias toward covering unimportant stories about vaguely attractive, middle-to-upper middle class white women.

I've got nothing against white women. Some of my best friends are white women. I live with a white woman! I'm just angryfrustratedsick of non-stories getting blanket coverage just because one of the people involved is white, female and not poor-looking.

According the AJC the "girls-next-door" heist has "captivated" the nation.

Girls-next-door is a news media code word. It means white, well-off and attractive without being overly sexed-up. It's time for the everyone with a brain to retire that phrase. Does everyone, or even most people, in the "nation" live next-door to upper-middle class white girls? I think not. That such a transparently stupid and racist phrase would appear in a story credited to "AIXA M. PASCUAL, YOLANDA RODRIGUEZ" is especially off-putting.

The other code word used by the AJC in its coverage is "captivate". "Captivate" is the AJC's way of apologizing for putting the story on the front page. "We'd rather report on the City Council, but it's just that the story has 'captivated' so many of you that we have no choice but to cover it as if it is the most important story in Metro Atlanta today."

If you're gonna put such a stupid story on the front page, at least have the courage to admit what you're doing.